Wednesday, September 19, 2012

good....enough

I had a rough morning yesterday.  Nothing too terrible...just one of those days where parenting is really hard.  But already today it's forgotten about.  And I almost decided not to write about it but I want to remember.  I need to remember.  I'm not a complainer by nature...much more of a glass half full, it could always be worse, kind of girl.  But yesterday morning was tough and those feelings were legit.  After dropping the boys off at daycare the tears started flowing (thanks to my mom for talking me through it).  I was just feeling so blah....like I'm just going through the motions and not doing anything great....just good... a good mother, a good wife, a good employee, a good sister/daughter/friend, etc. And I want to be great.   And I know that I am...at least trying my best.  My head knows that but my heart sometimes just gets overwhelmed.  The guilt....ahhhh.....

Graham is such a momma's boy.  Like slightly obsessive.  And I love it.  I really, really do.  But I also can't physically hold him every second we are together.  I mean I have to get dressed and go to the bathroom and oh yeah, tend to a 2 year old.  And I hate sitting him down and having him cry.  And after an extended period of crying my head is spinning and I feel frustrated and then I feel guilty for getting frustrated because he's only 1 and he just wants his mommy, etc., etc.  And repeat.  That's the cycle.  And that 2 year old has his own set of troubles.  Sweet as sugar one minute and complete opposite the next - like he will yell at us, spit at us, etc. And disciplining is tough.  I don't just want good behavior or good kids...I want their hearts!

But I know it's a season.  I know it will pass.  But then we'll be in an new season with a new different type of hard.  Because that is what parenting is. Constantly growing, learning, trying harder to be better.  And just loving our babies as best we can....and that is good enough....heck, it makes us great!
 
 
But through it all...tears or smiles....I know I am so, so blessed.
Full lap = full heart!

3 comments:

BeLLa said...

Tip, you ARE a GREAT mommy, wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee and a super great blogger. Your plate is quite full yet you juggle everything better than anyone I know and you manage time better than anyone I know.

Your boys know (because you tell them) and feel (because you show them) how very much you love them. At the end of the day, love trumps everything. XoXo

Amanda said...

It goes without saying that you are an amazing friend and person! But I am constantly amazed by all that you do and accomplish and you do it with a smile on your face. :) I dont' doubt that even you ahve bad days and to be honest it makes me feel a little bit better about Hollis' arrival knowing that if Super woman has a bad day or 2 then so can I! :) Love you!

Allison said...

I understand that feeling for sure. It's encouraging to see other momma's going through it all together and share the good, bad, ugly, and great moments for others to be encouraged. You have a precious family! God bless