Tuesday, May 14, 2013

a gift

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" is what I hear most nights at some point between 2am-4am coming over Sawyer's monitor.  Occasionally he'll call for daddy but mostly it's mommy.  And it's not a frantic cry or scream.  It's a calm voice. As I was trudging up the stairs last night (for the 2nd time), it hit me.  He doesn't have any reason to be frantically screaming for me because in his short little life he's learned that if he calls for me, I'll come.  And he's right.  And that will never change.
(and I hope Gra realizes soon it's the same for him too and he doesn't need to yell at me in the middle of the night - a simple mama would do)

Being a mom is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Most days I feel so inadequate. I raise my voice and lose my patience. I grumble about the messes and tantrums. I say no when I should say yes, I say yes when I should say no. It feels like I've run a marathon after the routine of dinner, baths and bed time every night. And they are not perfect either. They fight with each other and don't always share. They throw tantrums. They don't always obey or eat their vegetables.

  I can already see how different my boys are. Sawyer is smart, cautious, and a tad moody. :) But he's got a tender heart.  Graham is rambunctious, brave, and stubborn.  But he's very giving.  
Alike in that they are both observant, shy and busy!

And I don't have all the answers on how best to mother these boys.  Heck, I don't have most of the answers.  Pretty much just figuring it out as I go.  But I have learned that when all else fails just love them and pray for them.  Because honestly, we could all use a little more love and lot more Jesus.

What a gift it is to love them unconditionally.
What a gift it is to cover them daily in prayer.
What a gift it is to be their mommy!


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